Two more sleeps

Copyright(c)Julieta Casabuena Facto Moffatt - June 5, 2012
Darwin, Australia

I am counting the time and days
Two more sleeps and I can't wait
To go home and be with my families
To the place where LOVE AWAIT.
        ONE....
TWO...
        MORE.....             SLEEPS!

                        -X-

The Past I Am Letting Go

Copyright (c) Julieta Casabuena Facto Moffatt - May 17, 2012
Darwin, Australia

Thirty-nine years or so ago, I saw you for the first time.  It was my first few days in the office.  The moment I turned around and saw you standing right inside the office back door, my heart started silently singing love songs.  The 'tigidong-tigidong' sounds of my heart I could hear right into my brain.

All the while you just stood there and watched me.  I had no idea who you are and least to say your name.  For sometimes it was only you and I.  I couldn't understand why I am so nervy in your presence, never been shy or nervy to others.  You affected me more that I would acknowledge.

From the moment I saw you, I know I fell in love with you and I promised to myself there and then that I will love you for the rest of my life.  And if I can't have a baby with you, I won't have any at all.
Fourteen years I've worked in your office, there were time many a times, when I am working overtime you came into the office and just stood there in SILENCE in front of me, watched me for hours until I finished my work.  We both know that there was a chemistry between us, but none of us was willing to confront who.  We are both too scared of what would be.

I've waited and waited for years and years, then one night I've realized you are too coward to tell me about your feelings or too ashamed to tell because I wasn't belong to your elite social standard.  Whatever your reasons, it is not me to judge you.....it was just not meant to be.

So I decided to marry, to run away from you as fast as I can and as far as I can.  I was happily married to my late husband which I've loved and cared for twenty good years, and still.  He changed my outlook in life.  He thought me that 'LOVE' IS THE ONLY THING THAT CAN MAKE MY WORLD GO ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND.'  that LOVE is the radius of all in this world.  So in a way not marrying you wasn't a bad thing at all...TRULY MARRYING MY LATE HUSBAND WAS THE BEST THING EVER HAPPENED IN MY LIFE SO FAR.'

No I am not being 'sourgrape' yet it's facts of life.  I tried my hardest all those years to put you aside in my subconscious mind so in order not to jeopardise my love with my husband.  And yes, I've done it without trouble, I've given all my love to my husband with all honesty in me.  

Until, 2007 when my mother died so I have to go home.  In the first notion, I told my husband I don't want to go because he wasn't feeling well, but he insisted that he couldn't forgive himself if he won't let me go home, so for me to say last goodbye to my mother.  So, I went home, and day after my mother's funeral you came to my home.  

The moment I heard you called out my name from outside the gate, my heart jumped and the 'tigadong tigadong.' that was thirty four years ago is as loud or even louder at that very moment.  I wanted to hug and kiss you as you hold my hands but I don't have the courage for I am still married to my husband.  I could fell your hold tightening every seconds that made my hands aches but I say nothing to you because I don't want you to release me from your grip.

We ended opened up our feelings towards each other.  YOU CONFESSED YOU LOVE ME and still loving me.  I've asked 'was the reason you didn't tell me before that you had feelings for me was that I am poor?  Your response 'You know that it is not true, truly I am happy for you because at least you are now in Australia and that you are in a safe place with your husband. Don't worry I will go and visit you in Australia.'

I thought how nice of you to think of me that much.  We talked few times in the phone and we sealed our friendship with a handshake.  We started communicating and then in some stage you started again pushing me away.  You said it would be good for you and me.  Why it is always you have to decide what is good and what is not good for my life.

(the past is dead - dead as a dead fish....that only two flies would love the smell of it)

Last year I saw you I asked 'what are your decisions?'  You responded "what for?   you will leave me again anyway.'  

See, that was the end of my waiting.....you will never have the courage to face reality of life, that is 'TAKING RISK.'  Without taking risk, mean you live your life in fear.  You never had the chance to know what is really to feel to be loved and to love truly without fear.  Maybe you feared that I will spend all your money...or what?  

You should know that we only live once and whatever we had in material value it has no bearing on how the way we go.....we all under control by the LORD, HE alone knows when and where HE will take HIS breath from us.  No money in the world can buy us from death.  Only GOD.

For too long now, you've been holding my life.  And I made my decision that I won't let you take my life with you.  I asked the LORD to give me the strength to face this world on my own...for you are the shadow of my past, the ghost from my past.

But I AM KEEPING THE MEMORY  of my late husband inside my heart forever.

The past I am Letting Go,
and
        THAT IS.........................................................................................YOU!

may you find contentment to the place you're going.!!!!!

Home away from Home

(c)Julieta Casabuena Facto Moffatt - May 5, 2012
Darwin, Australia

Home away from Home
Hinigaran town where I came from
Tropical Paradise all around as you can see
The place I love and my heart yearnings everyday.

Home away from Home
The bamboo trees standing proud behind me
Trees and flowers planted and nurtured by dad
For all of us to enjoy the beauty and the serenity.

Home away from Home
Philippines or in Australia
Is not of a question which one
For I am home away from Home

Home away from Home
Yes, I am....
But.....

On the other hand ....I AM DEFINITELY HOME WHERE I BELONG!

Music Of My Heart

(c)Julieta Casabuena Facto Moffatt - May 4, 2012
Darwin, Australia

Moment of time and space shared
Between dreams and that of reality
Music of My heart is you and I
Moment like this I am holding you tight.

The coldness of the hot summer wind
The starry night of that cloudy sky in Wet
The sunshine that breaks against the storm
Music of My Heart is you and it's so right.

With all the pain and suffering in life
The best thing is that we conquered them all
Only the one that can break the cycle of pain
We both not giving up our Love without a fight.

MUSIC OF MY HEART IS YOU AND I.

Sydney Opera House October 2011 - Photo: By: Julieta Casabuena Facto Moffatt

As I Was Waiting

(c)Julieta Casabuena Facto Moffatt - April 30, 2012
Darwin, Australia

As I was waiting for the time to come
There were so many things come to mind
The smell of that long black coffee brewing
From that alfresco cafe around the corner.

As I was waiting for the time for you to come
Into this world of madness so called internet dating
Only the tapping of this keyboard keys makes me sane
Waiting is not my forte so I had to make myself calm.


As I was waiting for the time to come
I can hear you calling somewhere in far away land
Would it be a fantasy that will never be realized up to the end
Are we going to see the time together soon, will it ever come.

As I was waiting for the time for you to come
I wondered a lot about you, are you a man of principle
Or you just another man with feet of clay ready to run
Don't run, don't hide let us enjoy the beauty of life's fun.

       There was a time that I worry a lot of things that I don't see.  I am worried about the uncertainty of life and what and if's of life.  Now at fifty-seven years old, with graying hair nothing that makes me more happy is by living my life day by day as simple as I can.  As I often said to friends who always questioning and asking how I live my life on my own.  Almost of them so worried about how I survive with financial burden of being living on a pension.
        My response to them, I am blessed for I had something to live on that some don't even have a place to sleep on or a piece of bread to eat.  I am blessed because I am alive...every morning I see sunshine...Nothing can beat that, for I know God loves me...for HE is still breathing the air of life in me.
        Some worried too much about me, why don't I buy a car.  How in the world like me can afford to buy a car or to maintain either.  I travel free here in Darwin, transport is least of my worry.  I was offered three times from three person a free car....but with all my respect to three I could not bring myself to accept gift that expensive, if they are my relations or boyfriends will maybe I will...but it would still make me to think twice of accepting gifts.
        For me to accept gifts from guys that cost much, it is such a compliment but what would be the ultimate price for me to payback?  Sure they are all thinking good to help me but truly I am just trying to be reasonable here, I don't want to put myself in a very chaotic situation in the end.  Especially they had their own families to consider...I am free...I love my freedom....No responsible to No One....JUST ME!

SO,
AS I WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO COME,
I KNOW WHERE YOU STAND IN MY LIFE
AND NOW I KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOU
AS I WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO COME.....

I DECIDED I HAVE TO LET YOU GO FOREVER!

FOR I LOVE MY FREEDOM AND I CAN'T JEOPARDISE YOU HAPPINESS
FOR I AM NOT A 'YES SIR, YES SIR' WOMAN...I HAVE A BRAIN OF MY OWN
AS I WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO COME, I'VE REALISED YOU'RE NOT ME
FOR I AM A PERSON OF MY OWN, NEVER WOULD A SKY KISS THE EARTH!

==============================LOVE===========================

Thank You

(c)Julieta Casabuena Facto Moffatt - April 18, 2012
Darwin, Australia

Today - A thousand and eight pageviews on my blog
I am so happy....so happy....so happy
From all over the world readers, thank you so much
Your supports as my readers means so much to me.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart
Take care and cheers to you and your loved ones
May my blog be a little diversion of your daily routine
I thank you once more from the bottom of my heart.

love you all,

Julieta

I KNOW NOTHING

(c)Julieta Casabuena Facto Moffatt - April 14, 2012
Darwin, Australia

Why?  I often questioned my dearest mother
Why? The first word I can remember of my childhood
Why? The same questioned I had in my teenage years
Why? Is the same questioned lurking in my seniors-hood.

I know nothing then, I know nothing now and I know nothing...
For all the 'WHY'S and questions I've questioned, not been answer rightly
I know nothing what's beyond the blue horizon or behind the mountain's high
For none among my people and siblings ever did given me the reasons why?

Just like today, I know nothing with all my doubts in my brainless heart
I know nothing how to stop to live life and believing easily even their heartless lies
Yet, I don't blame anyone of my pain and sufferings for I got a brain to choose the best
I know nothing but to love and keep loving life as if the people around me is perfectly perfect!

I know nothing to get upset of, for my heart only knows to love, care, understand and forgives
I know nothing to get cranky of, for my heart only knows how to love and care for you my dear
I know nothing to get angry of, for my heart is big enough to erase all our mistakes and sufferings
I know nothing to get sorry of, for I know we will be together if we are meant to be in the E N D.

I KNOW NOTHING....
..........................BUT ONE THING.................
WE MET..............WE FEEL IN LOVE......................
AND IF WE ARE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER..........
GOD'S FIND THE VERY BEST WAY FOR US............

I KNOW NOTHING....ONLY GOD KNOWS!!!!