My aircon is running feral even it is windy outside. The wee hour is with me but sleep is so far away. Like of that wishing and dreaming of fantasy, of paradise somewhere not out there but existing living inside my brain.
It is so ironic when one's heart is not in-tuned, it beats but it doesn't give a better tune of understanding. It's all about questions, questions of never unending questions! When my heart is not in-tuned with my thinking everything around me are...all in blink. Why?????
At this very moment, after considering all the possibilities of what would my future be. I got the answers and that even there are billions of people on this earth...only and only me can change my life. Yes, no more guilty feelings, that if i move on, if i let go of you...you will get hurt. But in reality do you really care about me? For it seems that it doesn't really bother you whether I would be hurt or not of your callousness of the past.
At this very moment, my heart is lighter not like many months ago I've felt that as if I am carrying a bagful of stone...for I am afraid that if I get away from you, you'll do some stupid crazy thing...but in reality I am fooling myself for, for now and even before I've meet you, you are doing things that I am not in favour/favor of. You are matured enough to know what is right or wrong. Your ways of life is not mine....Your outlook in life is not mine...
I've tried to understand you as a friend, as a person....I closed my eyes and my heart so not to see that very worst of you, just to save our relationship....but I am so wrong to think that you will change. You've promised many times to quit but gosh...but in your ways you believe that 'your promises to me were all just bullshit.' so you can cling onto me like a sucker-fish to a dolphin....whale maybe for your habits are now bone-deep. I TRIED TO HANG ON, walked over my principles in life, for a thinking that you will change, but it is evident that it is not in your mind.
At this very moment, you are free to go, for I've already flew away from your hold ...and I assure you...you will never get me back....for that is me 'ONCE I LEFT...NO TURNING BACK.'
As for you, I assumed that you took me as part of your experiment, so therefore I conclude that YOU ARE the ARSENIC that killed all the common sense in me as a person....
So in order to get back my sanity I have to let go and that is You...
Go spread your wings and I wish you will find that someone you are looking for.....And I will too....
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