Misreading Actions

(c)Julieta Casabuena Facto Moffatt - Feb. 25, 2012
Darwin, Australia

A year ago I've met you in a very funny circumstances. I was so sick and worried about another guy, I thought I am in love with.  You invited me to come and stay with you for a month or until this guy comes back from his seven weeks holiday in Queensland.

The time Darwin was undergoing good scary wind blasting by Cyclone Carlos and at the same time Queensland was undergoing tremendous power by Cyclone Yazi.  All in all the two cities were in such chaos like my heart undergoing such pain that I've never ever realized I can experience in my lifetime.

In a way your invitation to stay with you, I was so amazingly stunned your invitation was done in front of my dear Mr. J you've asked me and also it was heard and witness by my adopted sister L as you write your address and telephone numbers and your birth date on a piece of paper (which I still had it) then you handed it to me.

That trust was spontaneous on my side....arriving home....I decided I will take your offer so I text you and that was that.  You've shacked me for thirty days without any question of my integrity or of who I am.  We both trusted each other, then respect was both sides too.  I am so glad I've accepted your invitation.

It was a month of joy of good happy memories together...and I am so blessed because I've found a friend in you.  We shared time and space.  We laughed with few disagreement about opinions on things but it was so much of an exchanged of views.  I've watched so much movies that 30 days with you any time with my entire 57 years and it was fun.  We almost love the same style of music.  You and I was in such a fun loving moment of life, the time and space were with us.  The time and space and the joy it brings between our hearts....was so priceless (in my views)...

You've said, aside from without having sex....we are like middle aged clacking couple....and we both enjoyed our each other company.  Watching sunset as often as we can outside your porch.  Before then, I.ve forgot what and how beautiful sunset can be.  Thank you for taking me back to beautifulworld of friendship.

Then, as we all know that life has its own road and atlas prepared for us to travel...trials and all we have to face it whether we like it or not.  All your attentions, care and most of all your love you had given me....I felt something growing steadily inside my heart, in the beginning I didn't figure it out....Until, one evening I was feeling some uncomfortable feelings every time you talk about other women.

I've tried to divert my attentions to other things...I put all my energy in writing but in the end I know I am losing my strength....I know then...I am falling in love with you....but I kept it to myself because, I am a woman.....strong and invincible....it would be a shame if I show some weakness and that is letting you know about my feelings.  I did succeed on pretending, telling everyone that you are only a friend!  I am lying then and now!!!!!

I was a broken heart, you came to my rescue, you helped mended my heart....then only for you to rip it apart all over again.  The pain was so such that the first but I assure you I will get back and bounce back without fail to live life again.  I will never let anyone ruin my life's happiness.

I know you had feelings for me, more than just a friend.  You can deny it as you like, but I am a woman too, and naive as you me think I am, I can read signs as much as you do.  For in the first place if you don't have an eyes and feelings for me, you've never invited me in your place.  How can you live with a person, like me not knowing much before.  I have no idea.  I am sure we had the same aspirations in life why we came to met each other.  We are meant to be with each other as friends for life...for now!

 My feelings was cemented it when you said during our dinner "Julieta, I never know how to be happy until you spent time with me.  Wish it wasn't ended.  I was so happy then you go.  D is back.  It sux'!  And then we toast over glass of water "Friends for life."

After I left your place, last March 3, 2011...we had dinner almost every month some months we had two dinners.  And it was such an occasions I always looking forward to.  Your kindness and attentiveness towards me progresses and that led me to believe that you had feelings with me more than just a friend.  And it was cemented when we had our dinner last April 8, 2011...you said "Julieta, I never know how to be happy until you spent time with me, wish it wasn't ended.  I was so happy then you go. D is back, it sux."!

So with that statement mentioned above...I had some questions from all of you my readers...I need help to answers this questions:  Am I misreading his actions that he has feelings for me or not?

Whatever the consequences of my stupid feelings in the end....I am still....I am.