As a woman, widowed for four years, I've experienced sadness and everything that ends in =ness... Well, let your imagination run wild, if you can put before 'ness'..may it be happiness or loneliness or sweetness or .............some strangeness about me. You can do it if it can make you happy...ness!
Along the road of freedom and aloneness...I often meet people in various circumstances, some like me too...single and free. But of course I know too well that the price of being free and freedom is that of the BIG ALONENESS on the face of the earth.
Sure, there are some good points of being single....which I've found it so cool...like, I have no one's responsibility nor I am responsible to someone. I don't need to get up, just because I need to for I had to cook someone's breakfast or made someone's bed. No ironing most importantly, just mine which I have the freedom of choice not to.
I can read all day without a worry...I can be lazy all day without a worry. I can be out the whole day and counting my blessings without guilt that someone in my place waiting and worrying where I am at certain point of time. No scheduled meals....I can eat out of the tin, feet up watching Romantic/comedy in silence!
But my gut feelings is not with my brain...for truly I am missing talking and sharing thoughts and opinions with You! Yes, You!
You will always be in my heart! As February 14, is approaching....that very day of 1987...still fresh in my mind...yet....you are my past....but you will always be in my heart....and forever be loving you...
From this day forward....I need not only to move on but I am moving on so I can live life to the fullest....for I know by gut feelings....if you are alive you don't want me to be sad!
Just because I am going to live life again....I am forgetting you....the truth is you are in a very special compartment of my heart!
For four years I tried not to get involve seriously to anyone....but right now My Gut Feelings telling me 'IT IS TIME FOR ME TO LIVE AGAIN AND BE HAPPY AS I USED TO BE.' And hope all my friends and families would understand me....I don't want anymore to live my life in pretence.
Life is so important...as long as I am NOT stepping other's people principles in life, I will enjoy every MOMENT OF MY LIFE without guilt! I am sick of crying on my own!
The lessons I've learned from being a widow is that -- MY POWER IS ME in this earthly word with the GUIDANCE OF MY CREATOR!
=THE SILENCE OF CRYING=
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