Fate or ????

FATE OR????
(C)Julieta Casabuena Facto Moffatt - January 20,2013
Darwin, Australia

Before the end of December 2012, I decided to stop 'LOOKING FOR LOVE.' as per a friend keep on telling me.  He thought that I am only dating men because of hoping to find love.  He was so out of line. We had few dinner out in the last couple of years and sure we are not an item.  I am his true and trusted friend for life, he said, and that is that.

By New Year's Eve I am on my own, counting the blessings I have received from GOD ABOVE.  I GIVE THANKS AND GLORY TO GOD AND PRAYERS IN SILENCE.  

My most intensed prayer was that FOR GOD TO GIVE ME MORE STRENGTH SO NOT TO LOOK FOR LOVE ANYMORE.  I surrendered all to HIM.  And whatever HIS DECISION, THY WILL BE DONE.'  I know myself too well, I fall in love like a wink of an eye and then only to realized in the end that it wasn't at all love only but compassion to some who needed someone to talk to and to hold them in my heart.  

It was like a song 'I've loved and lost again' as ever for the last 5 years.  Part of my grieving they said, but surely deep down in my heart I know that it is my own making...not my fault....but just my making I don't plan anything to happened, it just happened.

Many a time all these years since I am in younger years I wanted to stop loving anyone, so not to get hurt but the more I tried to run the more I am stuck in the mud of falling in love as quick as a flash...and the worst result is that 'I will be loving them for the rest of my life, which I am happy anyway to keep them all in my heart.  My heart is big and strong to forgive and what a wonderful feeling of love I have in me.

I say my nightly prayers "Thank you Lord of the day, for all the blessings you've given us and as I closed my eyes I pray that please take good care of us in our sleep and wake us up into another journey of our life tomorrow morning.  I thank you and I love you Lord.  Amen.'  then I went to sleep.

I was awaken by screaming Galahs from the east to the west, and I know it is the morning....As I open my eyes I say my morning prayers.."Thank you Lord for keeping us safe for the night and waking us up today in good spirit....Thank you for the beginning of another year January 1, 2013.  I don't need to ask what I need for You know already what is best for me...I leave everything in your Hands Oh Lord.  Amen.''

Days passed by, Lori and I decided not to go to Casuarina the first week of January 2013 so to break the cycle of going there everyday for five years now.  It is a habit that did grows on us, which is so bad and it is hard to get out of it. 

Friday night comes, January 4, 2013 a lady friend stayed overnight with me....we had a good talk during the night and we wake up late morning of January 5, 2013 Saturday.  I was cooking our breakfast about 10.30 a.m. my home phone rings and Yoly was on the other end..  She was asking me to see James Bond 007 movie "Skyfall' with Ester and her.  I was a bit adamant to go, first it was raining and really I am tired of the late night talk with Naty.  

Yoly won't take no for an answer and told me to ring Ester so we can catch the bus together and to met her at Casuarina at 3.00 p.m. for the movie starts at 3.20 p.m.  So I ring Ester and so she is not going to take no for answer that I am not going.  I give up.

Ester and I catch the 1.15 bus from Casuarina, we arrived at Casuarina 1.55 p.m. too early.  So Ester decided to go to the Hosking Jewellery and bought Mickey Mouse necklace.  I bought a five petals cubic zirconia sterling silver ring with one piece pearl on the center...which Ester and Yoly like it very much and keep asking me how much is the price...I told them with a giggle $2,250.00 after 10% discount from the original price.  They won't believe me because they said I am laughing hard.  Well, I told them the right price yet they won't believe me and keep asking how much...and up to this writing, I don't know if they will ever believe me that my ring is only $22.50.  In reality I am not crazy to buy a ring cost that much and surely I don't have that much to spare...I am on Red now so how can I afford!  Good gracious me!

It is I believe now that 'a rag cannot be a mink whatsoever'  people won't believe me either way of the price for I am only 'a common tao' (ordinary human/man).  Yet, I had a good laugh how I managed to make them so curious with the ring in question.

Anyway, after so much talking about the ring over coffee and cakes, we decided to go towards the cinema.  Nearing the PriceLine Store, Ester said she is going to buy some bottled water, so she went in.  Yoly decided to check her lotto tickets and I decided to take a sit on the long wooden bench in front of the Harrison Pharmacy and waited for them to come back.  As the two takes their ways, I sat down and as I turn to the left I saw a familiar person walking towards my way, he was wearing a checkered shirt and creamy shorts....as he came closer I said ' Hi, Mike how are you?  As he said "Hi, Julieta, I am fine and you?...as we handshakes. 

"Oh! you're engaged?"  Mike said as he saw my newly acquired ring
"Noooo!  It's only...you know...it's nothing." I responded to Mike.
"I was about to say congrats."  Mike added;

 Then he said 'would love to have coffee with you'  which I didn't hesitate to answer 'I would love too.' call me, I am in Facebook.  I stood up as soon as I saw Yoly coming, but I have to sit down again for Ester is still not with us...'How can I contact you, I don't have your number?  Mike said so quietly.  'Oh...as I shuffle things inside my bag, if I can find a pen and a paper to write my number.  Which is so embarrassing, I don't have any of the two.  How convenient, I always have pens and paper in my bag, but why this time, the very first time IN MY LIFE as a widow, a guy asking my numbers I don't have one!

"Mike, do you have pen.?  I asked.  "No" he replied.  
"Yoly, do you have pen?  I asked.  "No"  she replied.
"I don't have either.'  I said looking into Mike.
'Don't worry, I'll borrow a pen."  He responded and walk away walk towards the News Agency.  As I watched him walk away, I thought where is he going to borrow a pen?  Why, not just inside the Pharmacy?  I let my questions slipped away.  We waited for some minutes, and there's no sight of him, so I stood up and said to Yoly ' come on he won't come back.'  Which Yoly said 'no, there he is coming back.' as she saw Mike walking towards us.

Mike tore his short grocery receipt into two, he wrote his numbers to the other half and I wrote my numbers on the other half and we exchanged numbers.  We walk in different directions.  After the movie we had some Kentucky Chicken...and of course as women often do, if there is a guy took ones number we do tend to jokes and laugh about it in a good way anyway.  So it did happened to me.  I am the centre of jokes.  Which I don't mind.  Truly, silently I am asking myself....do Mike really meant what he said that he loves to have coffee with me.

Two days passed no call from Mike, so I told myself no way he will ever call...me the ugly duckling!  I told myself not to be a fool to expect something that might not happen.  I was disappointed.  But honestly I cannot help myself looking and watching the telephone and wishing when to ring...and if it rings hoping to be Mike on the other end.  When it didn't happen I give up.

Then, without expectation he rings up and ask me to have dinner with him at the Wharf, which I accepted without hesitation.  Why would I hesitate...the moment I heard Mike's voice I am on cloud nine...hmmmmmmmmm too early you may say..........I told myself that too!!  

I am all excitement waiting for the dinner on January 10, 2013.  The waiting that day was the worst anxiety I ever had.  I felt I am a sixteen years old waiting for her first date....I suppose it was the way for me...first date after 5 years....

January 10, 2013 is my dad's 89th birthday and as I've said on my previous Blog, for too much excitement first time ever I forgot my dad's birthday.  But, I forgive myself for I didn't do it intentionally, it was an honest mistake.  I talk to my sister after few days and she just laugh after I told her to what happened.  I told her to tell dad I am sorry but I still love him.  Yesterday I talked to my sister again and she said when she told dad to what happened dad had a good laugh too, and that I am lovingly forgiven.  She said it is now my time to enjoy life after all I've done to the whole family...time for me to shine on my life!  I was crying and laughing for the happiness I am feeling at that very moment of how my dad and family wishes for my happiness.  I am so Blessed, Oh, Lord! Thank You!

Twelve days today after my first date with Mike, I am as excited as ever the first time we exchanged our numbers.  We had another dinner and movie and dinner and picnic at East Point and dinner even in the cyclonic weather last night at the wharf for he did promised to take me there.  I said to him as he reverse his car from my garage 'It is raining...dinner rain or shine, Mike.'  His response "Yes, Julieta rain or shine.'  

Silently, I said "Thank you Lord, I am so lucky at this very moment, sharing time with this very kind person." 

After our dinner he took me home and have a cup of water...as he was sipping it now and then he said "I'll ring you on Tuesday morning, what time I'll pick you up for the movie."  

"Ok." is my response. I slept all through the night....

I went out to Casuarina with "Day Lori so to meet 'Day Grace for lunch.  After lunch we walk around window shopping until we are sitting about Country Road Shop my mobile phone rings...I was so surprised to see it is him ringing.  Obviously we are only Monday not Tuesday...as I answered the phone I am thinking, did I misheard his words last night?  I am sure I didn't.

Anyway....as usual since our first date...he will said "I ring you next week.'  the next day he will ring...so now I am use to it that with Mike our next week is few hours after he left me....and I am not complaining on this...I am glad he thinks about me that soon....

IF THIS IS A DREAM....I DON'T WANT TO WAKE UP....
IF THIS IS REALITY....
PLEASE .....
LET IT BE'.....

We both looking forward on seeing each other tomorrow.....