My Number Fifty Blog

(c)Julieta Casabuena Facto Moffatt - January 31, 2012

Well, years ago a friend bought me a laptop and gee, I can't imagine at that time what would I do with it.  So many nights I just look at it and questions running amok inside my brain like; what I am going to do with it?  I don't have no proper knowledge/education about computer aside from a manual which was given to me together with my antique pc dated back 2004 by Megan Williams I can still hear her voice as she handed it to me 'HERE'S YOUR BIBLE.' and she left me wide-mouth shut!

Without help from outside I managed to decipher instructions in the manual and in the next few months I started loving my antique computer.  As of to date I've written manuscript after manuscript, poems and essays and all other things that needs typing.  Out of the antique pc I've self-published five books.  And I am happy for the reasons that it was much more easier for me for a quick typing.

Then here comes this laptop....first reactions I had is of the same on my antique pc, which I can remember vividly what my Prince Gerasib comments about it., actually he said 'Julieta maybe your personal computer is heading to the museum now.,'  Gosh! I was shocked when he said that, but in truth he is right...but up to now I still have it and still using for my manuscripts and I love it so much.  It is like 'the more you are with someone the more you loving them so much, so that is my antique personal computer to me.  So for now my Prince Gerasib, (You know who you are, if you are reading this) you have to keep wondering when I would let it walk to the museum....maybe when the antique pc will walk by itself to the Northern Territory Museum... but it is a long way a way from where I live.  A good fifteen to twenty minutes drive I suppose!

Now, laptop...it was so hard to start.  I am afraid to touch any buttons for I might bugger the flaming thing.  But somehow, I know deep in my heart that if I let my 'fear to break the flaming pink laptop' I would never know how to use it.  So much reading this and that, and lots of 'omg' every time the screen turn blue or blank or something beeps.  I can't give up even if I tried to.  I can't let uncertainty wins over me.  It is not me, if i just easily give up.  I remember one day during my high school days, our psychology teacher asked us to bring something the following morning in the class.

Morning comes I picked a weed along the road to bring it to the class.  Class started and one after the other our teacher called us to come forward and show what we brought and explain why?  Some brought button, newspaper, doll and etc., and when I was called I showed them the weed, and everyone had a giggle.  The teacher asked 'why weed', Julieta?  Why, weed?'  

'Well Sir, because I am like a weed, throw me anywhere and I will live.  Just a little of sand I can grow on top of the stone or as I've said anywhere.  It is mean that all I need is a little bit of love and a little bit of care and I will survive.'  So I said.

And from then on my teacher always called me Miss Weed, which I don't mind at all.  Truly I like the sound of it.

Going back to this laptop, well, I suppose perseverance and patience goes hand in hand with modern technology.  Also with my appreciation to Nicki Saroca, whom initiated me to the 'justify' style of writing.  Which 'justify' became my favorite style!

Up to this day I no super expert on computer but at least I can manage here and there and it does takes me to somewhere.....the moment I touch one key, type a word....is all I need to take me to the thousands and thousands of word to take me to the journey of writing....I'll take you all to all places I am going to....places which I am sure we can share through our imaginations....

My number fifty (50) blog....is where I will take you right now.....

       My life is so good because of You.  Nothing can change my views about You.  Unto you life worth living.  Matter of fact you know you can change for better.  Be true to yourself and acknowledge what is in you.  Eventually our friendship will be just right.  Remember we are for each other..

          Face the world with self respect

In order to have that happiness you are looking for

          Face the world with self-esteem

Today and Tomorrow will be just fine

          YOU and me the happiness be within.

Because we got each other my friend

Lasting friendship is the key for a happy life

Over the journey of trial and error

Go with the TIDE, TIME AND TOGETHER we will be just FINE!

P.S.  to all my pageviewers and followers....thank you so much for your time!  HAPPY READING

AT THIS VERY MOMENT

(C)JULIETA CASABUENA FACTO MOFFATT- January 31, 2012

 My aircon is running feral even it is windy outside.  The wee hour is with me but sleep is so far away.  Like of that wishing and dreaming of fantasy, of paradise somewhere not out there but existing living inside my brain.

It is so ironic when one's heart is not in-tuned, it beats but it doesn't give a better tune of understanding.  It's all about questions, questions of never unending questions!  When my heart is not in-tuned with my thinking everything around me are...all in blink.  Why?????

At this very moment, after considering all the possibilities of what would my future be.  I got the answers and that even there are billions of people on this earth...only and only me can change my life.  Yes, no more guilty feelings, that if i move on, if i let go of you...you will get hurt.  But in reality do you really care about me?  For it seems that it doesn't really bother you whether I would be hurt or not of your callousness of the past.  

At this very moment, my heart is lighter not like many months ago I've felt that as if I am carrying a bagful of stone...for I am afraid that if I get away from you, you'll do some stupid crazy thing...but in reality I am fooling myself for, for now and even before I've meet you, you are doing things that I am not in favour/favor of.  You are matured enough to know what is right or wrong.  Your ways of life is not mine....Your outlook in life is not mine...

I've tried to understand you as a friend, as a person....I closed my eyes and my heart so not to see that very worst of you, just to save our relationship....but I am so wrong to think that you will change.  You've promised many times to quit but gosh...but in your ways you believe that 'your promises to me were all just bullshit.' so you can cling onto me like a sucker-fish to a dolphin....whale maybe for your habits are now bone-deep. I TRIED TO HANG ON, walked over my principles in life, for a thinking that you will change, but it is evident that it is not in your mind.  

At this very moment, you are free to go, for I've already flew away from your hold ...and I assure you...you will never get me back....for that is me 'ONCE I LEFT...NO TURNING BACK.'

As for you, I assumed that you took me as part of your experiment, so therefore I conclude that YOU ARE the ARSENIC that killed all the common sense in me as a person....

So in order to get back my sanity I have to let go and that is You...

Go spread your wings and I wish you will find that someone you are looking for.....And I will too....

You are in my heart

by:(c)Julieta Casabuena Facto Moffatt - January 29, 2012

You've poked me twice or more on my FB Wall
Once it started I can't resist not to poked back
Until you invited me to be your FB friend....

As the old adage says,
Rejoice your heart when you meet new friends
Everlasting reward will gain in the end....

In the garden of my dreams you are a part
No better place I can keep you but my heart..

My price is so enormous because I've got you, my friend
You are somewhere up there but truly you are in my heart.....

How much I tried to think what would be the ending of this
Even so it is hard to comprehend when my heart is questioning
After many sleepless nights plus wondering what will be.....
Reassured myself one night, everything will be fine for you and me

Truth is that 'YOU ARE ALWAYS IN MY HEART'....NO MATTER WHAT>>>>

Dazed and Confused

(c)Julieta Casabuena Facto Moffatt - Jan. 23, 2012


you ripped my heart into pieces
the pain is so such
my heart is bleeding non-stop
i can't figure it out (3x)
why i do love you so much.


all I've been doing is keep stitching it back
the synapses between our hearts
with the needle of loving
with the thread of understanding
with the button of caring
and with a tight knot full stop of forgiving.


that is how much i love you
i am not blind with your bad sides
so much for me to consider
but i am DAZED AND CONFUSED
BECAUSE I LOVE SO MUCH.


(REPEAT - STANZA 2)

Changing Pattern

By:: (c) Julieta Casabuena Facto Moffatt -20 January 2012

Only yesterday, thought gosh everything in my life changed!  The way I walk, the way I say things to others and  the way I sent messages and love letters is not as it used to be.

Only yesterday, our TV of yesterday was the invention we talked so highly about, now the more advance technology bombarded us and all we called the inventions of today of year ago..it is now obsolete as ever like the other old aged technology.

Today, in Australia there are 30 millions electric phones of sort in used and to think that our population is only over 20 millions isn't it alarming that it suggestive that in every one person connected to phone services has one or two or three phones each.  How we are all sucked into the extreme technology syndrome of the 21th century.  I am one of us.

The life we are having now in my views becoming like the rest of all the gadgets we are aspiring for to have.  We all wanted the newest and the trendiest hand gear we can put our hand to.  We called our friends now 'facebook' friends...but funny we can't even be 100% sure that the face we are seeing in our friends 'profile' if they are the REAL THEM...

Often and many times I do wish the old old simple happy living when I am growing up with my brothers and sisters and all my neighbours we became lifelong friends.  This days it is so much too ask for, we can hardly see kids playing together.  The more the new technology overtaking our brain the more I see children and adults alike headphones stuck into their ears, they have selected hearings.

THE TODAY'S MASS PRODUCTION OF EVERYTHING WILL BE THE DOWNFALL OF OUR EARTH.....UNTIL WE START RECONSIDERING 'LIVING SIMPLY' AGAIN...NOTHING WILL CHANGE....

CHANGING PATTERN I WOULD LOVE TO SEE....and that is SIMPLE LIVING the way it used to be!

www.facebook.combut I don't think this will be accepted wholeheartedly by the CAPITALISM!

LIFE IS A JOURNEY OF ONE

BY: JULIETA CASABUENA FACTO MOFFATT - JAN. 16, 2012

WHEN I WAS YOUNG, I QUESTION
WHY I AM HERE, WHY I AM BREATHING?
WHY I AM HERE ON EARTH, NOT IN MARS?
OR IN OTHER GALAXY ABOVE OUTERSPACE?

I WAS BORN POOR, BUT
NO ONE KNOWS I MAY DIE A MILLIONAIRE
BUT....WHAT THEN BE THE USE?
I RATHER BE POOR AND ALIVE
THAN A MILLIONAIRE SIX FEET BELOW THE GROUND!

STUDIES, WORK AND LESS PLAY.....AND THEN ONE DAY
I GOT MARRIED IN A FLASH...NEVER DID I EVER THOUGHT
HAPPY..SURE!  BUT I WASN'T LUCKY TO HAVE CHILDREN
SO I PUT ALL MY ENERGY FOR FAMILY'S BETTERMENT...
NEPHEWS AND NIECES ARE MY PLEASURE OF LIFE
SECOND TO MY PARENTS AND SIBLINGS...

THEN TIME COMES MY HUSBAND PASSED AWAY
THAT I THOUGHT HE WOULD NEVER DIE AND LEAVE ME
SO THE PROCESS OF BEING ALONE IS SO SUCH TO BEAR
THEN I REALIZE THAT AFTER ALL MY LIFE
THAT....WITHOUT QUESTION.....
MY LIFE JOURNEY IN THIS EARTH
IS A JOURNEY,,,,, ME ALL ALONE.....

YET, I KNOW GOD IS ALWAYS MY COMPANION!

once again, I CRIED

by:Julieta Casabuena Facto Moffatt
Darwin, January 12, 2012

once again, I cried
for the same reason, LOVE
LOVING  is my weakness
OMG, I am trying to be brave
VAGUELY, I learned from the past mistake
EXTREME pain is all I've had, BECAUSE OF LOVE!

once again, I cried
for the same stupid mistake
loving too much and caring well too much
on the other end of the stick, he holds but not
variands of colours of lies and manipulations
even how much i love him, i can still get hurt BECAUSE OF LOVE!

ONCE AGAIN, I CRIED
for the same crazy thing, they called LOVE
Laugh I will do when twilight and sunrise comes tomorrow
Only I am can change the very road I will travel once more

Vicious cycle of LOVE MISFORTUNES won't stop ME falling in LOVE AGAIN
EVENING OF TOMORROW COMES, I WILL BE LAUGHING ONCE AGAIN....

ONCE AGAIN, I CRIED ONLY FOR TONIGHT 'TIL DAWN

but.......I WON'T LET ONE SOUL.....

stop...me FROM FALLING IN LOVE ONCE AGAIN.....

EVEN....in the process.....in the end....ONCE AGAIN, I CRIED

IT WON'T BOTHER ME AT ALL!!!!!!!

because, I JUST LOVE THE FEELING OF BEING IN LOVE ALL THE TIME.....

=============END=============